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what being in a fraternity taught me about fatherhood

10/4/2015

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 Yes, it is true. Over the past few months I've become increasingly aware of how being in a fraternity has prepared me for fatherhood. Although the list is quite long, I'm sharing just a few here for your enjoyment.

How Much (You/Your Baby) Drinks Matters
In college, you could often hear people talking about how much they could drink or the favorite concoction they could stir up with all sorts of ingredients. Similarly, I find myself these days spending significant amounts of time talking about how much milk my son has had. Was that a breast-fed meal? Or did we pump? How much was in that bottle? To put this in perspective, I haven't counted this many bottles since I was a pledge. These days, I ask when was my son's last bottle was so often you might think he was in AA. 

(Side note: Breast vs bottle is like discussing drinking beer from a tap or a can. Clearly for the former is better, but in a pinch either one will do.)

Pee Shows Up In Odd Places
I had a friend in college who everyone enjoyed going out with and at the end of the night if he crashed at your place there was a 1 in 3 chance you would find urine on your couch. I have another buddy who was notorious for sleep walking and thinking your closet/chair/computer/[insert any object here] was a toilet. Along the same lines, my son has an amazing ability to have his pee show up in pretty much every place other than his diaper. We've found it in our bed, on our clothes, on his head (see an earlier post), on our arms, his carseat, his play mat, and the list goes on. Although I knew the risks associated of hanging out with my unnamed buddies in college, I accepted them because the memories created were worth it. The same goes with my son. The lesson here is not trying to find a way to avoid it, but rather it is best to just accept that it will happen. 

Nobody Sleeps
Living in the fraternity house, you pretty much sign away your rights to have any sleep. Sometimes that lack of sleep is by choice, but many times it is not. The same can be said about being a dad. Everyone hears about the sleepless nights because of a crying baby and the stumbling through work that ensues the following day. But one of the hidden pleasures of being a dad are the nights you spend awake by choice. They come in various forms whether it be late night chats with my wife about how crazy it is that we're parents or time spent researching the color of my son's poo to make sure he's not allergic to something. My favorite, though, it just watching my son sleep. There is something about watching his small chest go up and down with each breath, hearing him giggle in his dreams (yep, that happens), or sigh in deep satisfaction as he finds that perfect sleeping position. In those moments, I think about what kind of man he will grow up to be, the role I play as his father, the (hopefully) many goals he will score as a soccer player...you know, all the important stuff.

So there you have it, a few ways this "frat boy" has taken lessons of college-past and leveraged them into life lessons of a new dad.
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dear micah

9/7/2015

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Hey buddy,

It has been way too long since I've last posted here. The whole purpose of this bog was to capture your early life in words so that someday you could look back and see these times through our eyes. Over the past couple of months, I've been so focused on trying to be the best dad possible, I haven't really taken the time to journal for you. For that, I apologize. In my defense, any moment not spent playing with you is usually spent helping mom around the house, cleaning up something you spit/pooped/drooled on, or figuring out the next sensational method on how to get you to take naps.

So, it's been three months since you've entered the world and you've developed quite a bit.

You've discovered your vocal cords
This is both a blessing and a curse, depending on when you decide to flex this new skill. I love the little coos and ah's you throw out. You definitely have a high pitched scream that I'm certain could be used as a torture technique in one of those CIA black op sites.

You recognize me
This is one of my favorite developments. Nothing is better than coming home and seeing your face light up when you see me. One time, you even stopped nursing to look for me. I must be somewhat important for you to pull away from Momma's sweet nectar :)

You laugh
This I adore about you. I love that little giggle whether it be when I'm changing your diaper or you're playing games with your momma. Your smile is contagious and it makes being a dad totally worth it.

You roll over...sort of
You're doing your darnedest to roll over. Right now, it amounts to you lifting your legs straight up in the air and letting gravity pull you to one side. Once there, it's a bunch a wiggling that can only be described as a side-way hip thrust gyration that could make you the next sensation of So You Think You Can Dance.

You love books
You really, really love books. Clearly this is a trait you picked up from your mother as I pretty much only read (for fun) when I'm on vacation. That lovely stack of books on our bookshelf? Mostly your mom's books. The ones that are mine are the staple novels that everyone has read at some time or another. But you, my friend, love reading books. Granted, at this point it amounts to staring at bright colors but you get so excited when we read to you. I mean, legs pumping, arms flailing, and eyes darting every which way. Keep it up buddy, we gotta keep that brain growing.

In closing, it's been a great three months. Yes, some if it has been challenging but with every challenging moment, there are hundreds amazingly wonderful experiences we're are grateful for. I love you Micah and can't wait to watch you grow.

Love,
Dad
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poop happens

6/14/2015

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Sometimes, poop happens. And sometimes, it happens in the middle of the diaper change. And if you're really  lucky, it happens when your wife is changing the diaper.
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hey dad, don't get left out of bonding with your newborn

6/9/2015

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One of the things I wasn't totally prepared for was exactly how much time my son would spend with his mom. Don't get me wrong, it's not because she's hogging him or anything like that but rather biology has set the table for mothers to have a natural bonding moment every 2-3 hours (i.e., breastfeeding for those of you that are slow on the uptake). It can be a little tough as a new dad feeling like you don't have a huge role in your newborns life or that you're second fiddle to mom. I certainly have had a few moments where I felt like I was on the sideline but over the past 12 days I've come up with a few ways to get involved and connect.

Skin to Skin
This has been on of the best bonding experiences for me. Skin to skin is a popular position of putting your baby directly onto your chest and is very common in the first hour after birth. However, I've found that this is also an excellent bonding position well after the first hour. Nothing beats having my little buddy crash out on my chest, hearing him breathe and snuggle up to me. It is a great way to share a nap with him, which trust me you will need many of in the first few weeks. It also had a separate effect of developing a fierce protective instinct within me. It's hard to put into words but the best way I can describe it is the feeling you get when you know you are fulling responsible for the well-being of another human being. There is an immediate need to ensure that everything will be ok because he is entirely dependent on you.

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Tummy Time
Tummy time is the a fun exercise where I put my son on his stomach on a play mat. Everything you read recommends doing this a few times day to help development in areas like neck strength and motor skills. Rather than just put my son on his stomach and watch, I make a point to get down and engage with him. It may not make the hugest difference but it is fun to cheer him on each time he grunts his way to lifting his head up. Seriously, the small success of him turning his head elicits a cheer from me similar to when the US scored two goals in the final minutes of the friendly against the Netherlands on Friday to win the match. 

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Change Diapers
Ok, I can already hear the sighs and sense the rolling of eyes but hear me out. My mother in law made a comment that she loved engaging with her kids when they were getting their diaper changed. I admit, I thought it was a sneaky ploy to get me excited about handling toxic waste. In reality, you spend a lot of time making faces, singing songs, and pretty much using everything in your arsenal to get your little guy to not freak out while changing a diaper. I've found that my diaper changing sessions have been some of the best bonding moments simply because I'm spending a lot of time being a goof ball with my son. If you're lucky, you'll get rewarded with the precious smile that makes it all worth it.



So there you have it...don't take the back seat dads! These are just a few ways to bond with the new addition to your family. Although you don't produce the sweet nectar your kids need, you have every opportunity to engage and be a meaningful part of your kid's early days. Have suggestions? Leave a comment below, thanks!

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this is what happens when you're low on sleep

6/7/2015

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Don't judge us. We're tired.
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the case of the vanishing urine

6/6/2015

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My wife and I just had a very curious experience. She was involved in a pretty intense diaper change and we suddenly noticed that our son was sweating profusely from his head. We originally thought that it was from a new beanie which was trapping in heat. Being the new overly worried parents we are, we rushed to take his temperature (which came back normal). We figured it was a freak occurrence and so my wife began feeding him while I cleaned up the diaper station. I started to notice a few odd things. First, the corner of the diaper changing table was pretty wet. There also was a washcloth that had significantly more moisture than normal. I also noticed that Honest product gift box (don't ask, it's a popular granola brand of baby stuff) was soaked. At this point, I asked my wife if she noticed Micah had engaged in a mid-change target practice session. Although we both were in the room, neither of us saw him in the act of newborn graffiti. I began looking around the changing station and sure enough, there was liquid substance everywhere. What is baffling to me is not that this right of passage occurred, but rather that it happened without either my wife nor I noticing it.

We need more sleep.
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the truth about newborns and sleeping

6/3/2015

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Everyone tells you to forget about sleep when you have a newborn. While this is true, the image I had of what form this would take was completely wrong. Like many other new dads, I was thinking that I would be woken up at night by a crying baby either because of a dirty diaper or a need for momma's sweet nectar. I also thought that since feedings were 2-3 hours apart, that I would be getting a couple of hours here and there which is totally manageable. Wrong on so many fronts. Let me break down the cycle for you:

10 pm: Feeding
An amazing feeding goes about 30 minutes, but amazing feedings are rare. A good feeding goes around 45 minutes and a rough feeding can go an hour or more. What makes the difference between amazing and rough you ask? For starters, how well does the baby latch onto his mom's nipple (I'll discuss more about this crazy phenomenon in a later post). There's also keeping the kid awake while he's feeding. It blows my mind that this guy is getting free food and is passing out in the middle of his meal. 

11 pm: Burping, diaper change
Never, ever, ever, skimp on burping. I once didn't do a good job of this and every ounce of his meal ended up all over his face, arms, and hair. Not to mention his swaddle, his basset and pretty much every other item he could touch. A good burping is key. As for diapers, I'm happy to say I'm getting better. Not as arrogant as I was (see earlier post) but definitely getting a handle on it.

11:15: Sing, dance, woo your baby to sleep
I've heard tales of magical babies that fall asleep right after a feeding by just putting them down in their bassinet or crib. Don't get me wrong, Micah is one of the best sleepers out there (so far). However, he likes to be held and typically likes some sort of song n' dance usually reserved for goofy moments when I'm trying to make my wife laugh. It's one of the more enjoyable activities we do together but there are only so many dances a man can do.

11:30: Sleep
CONGRATS! You're baby is asleep. Now you have 30 minutes to crash out before the cycle starts again at midnight. Yep, midnight. That two hour feeding clock started back at 10 pm...not from when he finished feeding. So in reality, you're getting about 30-45 minutes of sleep at a time between feedings. The best way to describe it is the feeling I had in college during class. You'd struggle to keep your eyes open and then you'd blink only to realize 30 minutes have passed and you've completely missed a key part of the lecture.

All in all, I love the quality time with my little guy. Although we may be sleep deprived, the joy of spending time with my man is priceless.
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Homeward Bound (+ 1 day)

6/1/2015

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Yesterday, we were released from the hospital. One one hand, I was elated. After five nights of sleeping on a makeshift bed I was ready to be in the comforts of my own home. On the other, it felt like leaving a safety net. I mean, if I had any question or if something went wrong, I had a nurse just around the corner.

We're one day into and we have survived...so far. More posting tomorrow about our adventures. Until then...
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The Four Faces of a Newborn

5/30/2015

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Clockwise from top left: (1) Dude, I'm not tired, (2) Hmm, I I'm open to the idea of being tired, (3) I really *yawn* don't think I'm tired, (4) lights out.
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Holy Crap

5/28/2015

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All day I've been changing diapers and I'm not going to lie, I felt like the Martha-freakin' Stuart of diaper changes around here. I had my front tuck technique so his umbilical cord wouldn't get irritated down so tight you'd think I volunteered at the woman's hospital like a high school candy-striper trying to get kudos for college. Burp bib over his bathing suit area so as not to get a surprise spray from his mini-me? Check. Wet wipes on hand? Check. I was the master of this little game and I couldn't figure out what the big deal was...until this beast came along.

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Let's be clear about something...that is not hospital chocolate pudding. Now, before I start, I can already hear you veteran dads sitting back, shaking your head, and saying "Fanous...you ain't seen nothing yet." You're right, I haven't seen anything yet which is why this chocolate gift from hell destroyed every bit of ego I had in my diaper fantasy league. I literally felt like Brazil after their 7-1 World Cup defeat in front of their home crowd to Germany. This little guy kicked my butt all over the place and my poor wife looked on like Scolari watching his Brazilian players getting steam-rolled by a clearly superior side. This poop was so gnarly it covered every inch and crevice of my son's body. You would think that such a small body can't be that hard to clean...wrong. This kids body is like the grand canyon and he's playing a disturbing game of hide and go seek my poop. Oh and that grand canyon is moving around like a shape shifter from Star Trek and is loud. Ever seen the movie Screamers? You get the idea. From the minute I started this little adventure until I handed him to my wife after I was done, he screamed. Very loudly. 

Here's what I learned today:
  1. Always assume a diaper has 8-10x more poo than you think is humanly possible
  2. You can never have enough wet wipes
  3. Your hands will get dirty. So will your wrist, forearm, shoulders, ear lob, stomach, and big toe. Potentially an eye lash too.
  4. After you get him clean, go over him one more time with a wet wipe. You'd be surprised what you find.
  5. I love my son...a lot.

I'll end this entry with the wise words I said to my son which I stole from Ron Burgundy, "How'd you do that? Heck, I'm not even mad; that's amazing."
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